The Passing of Days: Pregnancy Loss and Gain

This past Thursday was a full day: dealing with frozen pipes at home, attending and leading meetings and seminars, teaching, writing, a trip to the gym and the grocery store.  But it was not nearly as full as we expected it to be 6 months ago. 

January 23, 2014 was supposed to be full of first diapers and proud doctors and a waiting room full of family and a swaddled baby, just wiped fresh from the messiness of birth.   This Thursday was the due date for our first child, a daughter we said goodbye to in August.  A day we looked forward to with ultimate wonder, expectation and hope: now, just another Thursday.  Except with more tears.

I have watched this day coming on the calendar, wondering how it would feel to live through.  Would it sting with fresh grief?  Would it knock me over, or gently pass?  Neither, really.   Because as I grieved with fresh tears and desperate prayers, I also delighted at the kicks of a 20 week old baby in my belly.  A boy, this time.  Healthy and squirmy and due to arrive June 10. 

This pregnancy has been different.  More cautious and guarded.  Less giddy and whirling.  There were no creative Facebook announcements or weekly Baby Center check-ins.  But there has been more prayer.  And even, I think, more joy.   Not only because each kick is sweeter and each passing week one more than we got to experience last time, but because I’ve been invited to live in the mystery of this truth:  

“The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”  Job 1:21

With the same breath, Job says: He has given. He has taken away. Bless Him.   How does Job do that?  How am I supposed to do that?  Supposed to cry over the loss of my daughter, delight in the promise of my coming son and say, with the same breath,  “Your holiness is independent of my experience and your goodness is not tied to my circumstances. Glory be to You, Lord.”

But it is true.  Whether I experience it as true or not, God is good and perfect and worthy of my praise.  And the mystery of this is one of the captivating tensions of the faith.  And it reminds me that ultimately He, and He alone, satisfies me and gives my soul rest. (Psalm 62:5) 

Today we are talking about car seats and which one makes the most sense to buy.   And as we research and shop, we hope quietly for a healthy baby boy to ride home in that car seat on June 10.  But even more, we pray for a heart of faith that can say sincerely: God, you give and you take away and blessed be Your name.  

Our Beloved Card Catalog

Remember this beauty?  After casually looking for an old card catalog for over a year, we finally found her at an antique store.  This piece of furniture is no joke, y'all.  It's actually three separate sections of 15 drawers a piece (plus the legs and the pull-out shelf inserts) that easily stack on top of one another.  And it is really well-made.  Everything is solid wood and the joints are even dove-tailed.  So beautiful.  Except for the finish.  We weren't crazy about the honey-colored wood.  

So we re-stained it. And we went the lazy way: a gel stain instead of sanding, re-staining and sealing each surface.    We used Minwax Gel Stain, in hickory. All you do is brush it on (we used a foam craft brush) in a thin coat and let it dry.  Disclaimer: the directions say to wipe it off with a rag a couple minutes after you brush it on, but this didn't work for us at all.  We were wiping away all the color.  So we just decided to not wipe, and it worked just fine.  You can still see the grain of the wood and with a top coat of clear poly, it's actually quite durable.  We certainly hope so; we imagine this baby will in the family for generations  :) 

So, what are we using those 45 drawers for, you ask?   Well, being the nerds we are, it's our alphabetized small-item storage system.  Each drawer is labeling (in alphabetical order) and all the small knick-knacks that end up in random corners of our house are collected, stored and ready to retrieved.  For instance, "where's my flask?", Jake might ask.  "Under F", we can now confidently answer.  A lot of people are surprised that we have enough small random items to fill a card catalog.  Well, we do.  

For instance, under "F" we have flashlights, a flask, flashcards and fly traps.  Under "T" we have tape, thumb drives and a guitar tuner.  

Some drawers contain only one type of item (like charges and cameras); they get their own label.  

We like to think Mr.bDewey himself would approve. He was, after all, all about finding exactly what you need with ease.  Sort of.

We're (sort of) Bath Masters:Takin' it to the Next Level

The second level, that is.  Of our house.  Here's the upstairs bathroom refresh, which was completed several months ago but, of course, had some trouble making it to the blog.  Mainly because of my laziness. 

But regardless. Here it is!  

Here's the "before".  Notice the weird off-center vanity, painted-over wall tile (that must have had sand mixed in because it actually scraped us when we accidentally brushed against it) and out of frame to the right: a peeling cast iron tub that I refused to take a bath in because I was sure I'd get some version of lead poisoning.  Don't let the white on ivory on white fool you.  This was no master bath.  It was barely a bath. 

BEFORE

  We originally had planned to bust this whole thing out, steal some space from the adjacent master-closet (behind the tub) and the linen closet to add both a walk-in shower and new tub.  But when the plumber gave us the estimate to re-route all the plumbing (and alerted us to the fact that he'd have to come in through the ceiling of our dining room), we decided to reconsider our plan.  This was when the "let's re-do BOTH baths and add a second shower DOWNSTAIRS" idea was born.  We are so glad we went with plan B.  Now we can boast "two full baths" and we got two refreshed bathrooms for about the same price as our original plan to overhaul just the master bath.

To save money, we kept the layout the same in the upstairs bath.  We just decided to upgrade everything.  Floor tile, wall tile, tub, toilet, paint, etc.  And we veered off our usual color wheel (which only contains colors like "dove grey" and "gravity" and "porpoise grey") to embrace a dusty plum.  It's "Gothic Amethyst" by Behr. 

As usual, Jake found some unused space that we decided to re-claim.  This time it was in the wall to the left of the toilet (which was empty space under the eave).  We boxed it out, insulated around the box, added doors and made it an 18"-deep built-in medicine cabinet.  We also replaced the fancy second-hand shower curtain "door" to our linen closet with a wood bi-fold door. 

In another storage-claiming move, we added a shelf extending all across the back wall to connect the vanity and left wall, giving us extra countertop space which is currently holding my cosmetics, most of which are Clinique free samples from my grandmother.  Thanks Nana!

We went with the same carrera marble wall tile that we installed in the downstairs bathroom.  And again we extended it window sill-height along the wall behind the vanity.  

We used the same floor tiles as downstairs.  And, once again, we installed a heated floor underneath.  Given that tomorrow's high is a record -2*F, I can confidently say that we are in love with the heated floors.  

Another intentional design decision we made was to install one big wall-width mirror instead of a regular vanity-width mirror (which was all Jake; I resisted at first).  The space is a little awkward because of where the vanity and window are placed, making any mirror above the vanity necessarily off-center.  So after finally finding a mirror with the right dimensions (although the wrong color; we would have preferred something closer to cherry), we gave it a try and really liked how it made the room feel bigger. 

We spend quite a bit of time in this room. And now we don't cringe while we're there. 

Happy New Year!